They're all sittin' this one out. All except England.

--Col. Andy Tanner

Hat tip to Andrew Stuttaford at The Corner for this piece of America-loathing at The Guardian.

This was something that Europe learned the hard way: two world wars, the rise of the United States and the Soviet Union, and the anti-colonial struggle have taught our continent the limitations of its own power. That is why Europe today, with the partial exception of Britain and France, and exemplified by Germany, is so reluctant to use military force. The United States, of course, is the opposite. It measures its power not by its relative economic and technological prowess, which would suggest restraint, but its military unassailability, which implies the opposite.

Actually, I think the lesson the French learned is: The Germans aren't on the march; the coast is clear. Also notice how Europe doesn't try to measure its power at all. Smart move, Europe.

Next:

It is not difficult, of course, for the United States to throw its weight around in the Middle East, a poor and defeated region, one of the big-time losers from globalisation. The world's superpower versus a failed region is a hopelessly unequal contest, especially when the former can rely on the support of its regional policeman Israel, to do its bidding.

Yeah, that's exactly the tune you guys were singing before we went into Iraq and before we went into Afghanistan. Remember that whole bit about Afghanistan being the place where empires go to die? Then again, we're not an empire (what a bunch of smug Marxists think notwithstanding). We actually bring freedom to places. Go ask your friends in Germany and see if they have the honesty to admit it.

Then,the finale:

Indeed, there is something faintly bizarre about the psychotic worship of American values, the incantation of its applicability to each and every country, at a historical moment when, for the first time since its emergence half a millennium ago, the modern world will, in the not too distant future, no longer be monopolised by [sic]the west. It is not difficult to imagine that, by the middle of this century, both China and India will rank among the top five largest economies in the world, with China perhaps the biggest. Nor is this just an economic story, which is how it is generally told. With economic strength comes, in due course, political, cultural and military influence: such has been the case with the emergence of all great powers.

Does this mean the European Union isn't going to be the greatest thing since sliced bread?

You know what? I've heard this song since I was six years old. First it was the Soviets, then the Japanese, then the South Koreans; then there were ten minutes when it was going to be the European Union. Now, it's China and India. Pardon me for not holding my breath until that day arrives.

Last note of the day, notice how this guy equates "The West" with "The United States". Thanks for admitting you guys have sold the birthright of your civilization down the river.

This is the coolest thing I have ever seen.

--Butt-head

I had a choice between catching the State of the Union Address, and surfing Maximum Awesome. So I surfed Maximum Awesome.

What? Was the State of the Union speech going to...make liberals everywhere go, "Doh! So that's what it's all about. My bad, sorry I've been wrong all this time." Was there going to be some mass enlightening I was going to miss out on? There was a Ponch action figure on the page. I had to go there. You go there now.

That is all.

And this is a problem?

Ok, I fail to see what's so out of the ordinary here.

Kevin P. O'Donoghue is going to the Super Bowl. When he gets back, he'll worry about the house he mortgaged to watch his beloved Eagles.

Yeah? And? I mean, isn't everyone doing this? If I had a house, I'd be plopping some money down to go to Jacksonville. This is like the real life version of the Red Sox Mastercard Commercial, except Eagles Fan has to throw in airfare and a hotel, too.

What in the hell are the Irish doing fighting with the English?

--Hamish

Ok, this is painful, but necessary.

I l-l-l..I l-l..I li..I despise Rottweiler Puppy only a microscopic amount. You should read Rottweiler Puppy, even though he hails from a barbaric, uncivilized land. I've always believed civilization spread person by person, and now there is a seed of civilized thought and reasoning in that island off the coast of Ireland, specifically below Scotland and east of Wales. Who knows, maybe it will catch on. And I feel magnanimous, we can't really let a mere accident of birth prevent us from appreciating the value of another, can we?

Who am I kidding, of /course/ we can. But in this one case I grant dispensation.

You may read Rottweiler Puppy, and not be questioned for consorting with the enemy. There will be no reprisals in the middle of the night.

That is all.

All I know is that this violates every canon of respectable broadcasting.

--Nelson Chaney

CNN woke up and found this out:

when told of the exact text of the First Amendment, more than one in three high school students said it goes "too far" in the rights it guarantees. Only half of the students said newspapers should be allowed to publish freely without government approval of stories.

What did you expect, CNN? This is all your fault. It's on you, and your buddies in Network News, The New York Times, and most other bastions of traditional media. You've spent the last five eternities drumming into the population's head that government oversight is some sort of Holy Grail. Do people keep trying to "save" you by pushing you back into the ocean when sunbathing? Sue McDonald's and have the Government regulate what gets put into Big Macs. Are your fingers and teeth perfectly color-coordinated a rich shade of yellow? Go get "Big Tobacco", government! You've been all "Ralph Nader" on us for years, touting government intervention as the end-all be-all for any problem.

Now, the cracks are showing in your aura. Dan Rather is about ten seconds away from breaking out some steel ball bearings and babbling about the strawberries to anyone who will listen. Then you guys admit, "We uh...lied about what was going on all these years in Iraq, because we didn't want to lose our swell offices in Baghdad." Then you spent the entire year shilling for John Kerry. Now these kids have remembered that "government regulation is good" mantra you've been preaching.

King Diomedes, meet your horses.

GO JOE!

Military Intelligence is currently reviewing this original terrorist “operation”. In order to help, The Donegal Express lends his expert opinion.

Obviously, these Islamofascists were clearly coordinating with Cobra Commander. As of this moment, I can confirm the participation of neither Destro nor Serpentor.

(Originally posted on "The Wide Awakes")

Why don't you go where fashion sits? Puttin' on the Ritz!

--Taco

From last week's news:

OSWIECIM, Poland -- Fashion watchers say Vice President Dick Cheney stood out at ceremonies Thursday commemorating the lives of those who died in two Nazi concentration camps.

Where to start?

Well, let's look at the subtext of this story. It shakes out somewhat along the lines of, "Look at what Cheney is wearing! How could anyone be so vulgar and tacky at something like a memorial service at Auschwitz!"

Ok then...

You're critiquing what people are wearing at a memorial service at Auschwitz. How could anyone be so tacky and vulgar?

What, was Robin Givhan checking for Gucci tags while they were going over that whole "they butchered my children before my eyes" part? Did she get a good look at the women's shoes during the part where they discussed the cattle cars and the ovens?

Moving on, we keep hearing how the VP managed to "dress nice" for his inauguration, but wandered into Auschwitz looking ready to operate a "snow blower".

Well, what was the weather like at the ceremony? Let's take a look...

At the forum, Kwasniewski was due to decorate several former Red Army soldiers who liberated during one of eastern Europe's severest winters when temperatures fell as low as - 30 degrees Celsius (- 22 Fahrenheit).

It dropped to twenty-two degree below zero out there. Parts of my anatomy have just retreated so fast, you'd think their names were "Jacques" and "Marcel". You've got a what, nine thousand year old man who's suffered forty-eight thousand heart attacks out there at freeze-dry temperatures, and you're upset he put on a wool knit hat? Are you people for real?


Finally, Cheney wore an olive green parka, Europeans wore black.

I have no problem with this. Why? Note to Europe:

You killed millions of Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals and God-knows-who-else. Maybe you /should/ wear black. Maybe it's appropriate you show up in mourning clothes. Hear me out now, just maybe all of your complicity in massive genocide demands you show up in black every so often. Then again, maybe that's only me being whacky again.

And I'm not saying Germany, I'm saying Europe. On that continent, the only people not tossing dudes into Nazi concentration camps were:

The Swedes
The Swiss
The Pope
The Portugeese
Bulgaria
Francisco Franco

Stew over that one for a bit. That other Fascist, Franco, killed way fewer Jews than the French. Way fewer. Maybe one day, you guys will get up to his level of civility.

Do you know how the Final Solution came to France? Hitler had a meeting with Petain:

(Since Hitler spoke little French, and Petain hadn't started studying German yet, the conversation took place in English).

Hitler: Field Marshal, I demand that Vichy turn over all its Jews!

Petain: No! A thousand times no! There are some things which are too terrible for even a defeated nation to submit. We will never do this shameful thing! You will have war, Chancellor. We French will fight to the last drop of blood over this.

Hitler (startled): This...this is incredible. I had been told your people had no great love for the Jews, but if this...

Petain: Oh! Did you say, Jews? Mon Dieu, I thought you said 'shoes'! We are rather proud of our elegant wardrobes, as I am sure you know. Jews, that's different. Would you like us to turn over anyone else? We do have North Africans as well, you know.

Hitler: No no, just the Jews.


So yes, you guys wear black. We wear olive green. Why olive green? Well, that's the color of the uniform of our army, which stopped you all from butchering Jews and each other. During the beginning of the Twentieth Century, civilized Europe decided to start slaughtering each other. It's like they got off on it, or something. First there was World War I, which Europe enjoyed so much they decided to throw another, called World War II. In the middle of these two, you had Bolsheviks starving millions to death in the Ukraine. You had a Spanish Civil War. A Russian Civil War. A Russo-Finnish War. You had most of Europe raping and pillaging Africa.

Damn. How do you people have the time to criticize us? Shouldn't you be spending the next forty years in the bathroom, trying to get all that blood off your hands?

So we're going to stick with olive green. We wore that color when we occupied half your frikking continent for more than sixty years, because we couldn't trust leaving you people to your own devices.

That is all.


(Originally posted on "The Wide Awakes")

Tree! Cabin! UNDERWEAR!

--Bob the Tomato

Ok, I take the kids to Albuquerque, to see some dinosaurs and whatnot at the Museum of Natural History. For my one kid, it's all about the Allosaurus. For the other, it's all about taking off at the speed of light and making four different adults shout out, "Do you have him? Do you have him? Do /you/ have him? Is he with you?"

Afterwards, we stop at Wal-Mart. That's where I saw it. I still can't get over this. Walking past the children's clothing section I notice the little girl underwear display. It's facing the main walkway.

Someone manufactures little girls panties with things written across the crotch like "hot stuff".

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?

Are you freaking kidding me? Someone would buy their little pre-pubescent girl panties that say "hot stuff"? Can you order this from the freaking Abercrombie and Fitch pederast catalog? I would think they are made in Thailand, but wouldn't you just keep them over there? I mean, there must be a demand for that sort of thing in the hotbed of the sex slavery industry. A company that can make this sort of thing should be shut down for corrupting the morals of a minor.

And if you're a /parent/ who would buy this for your little girl, God help you if we ever meet. Forget about losing custody of your kids. Forget about going to jail. You should be sent to the freaking salt mines!

Do we have salt mines in this country? Do people actually mine salt? Ok, if not, then we should open some salt mines /then/ send you there.

That is all.

But I figured, "What the hell, that's Jersey"

--Lt. Frank Moran

So I'm watching "Highlander" tonight and I noticed something for the first time. In the scene where Nash is reading the back cover of the "Metallurgical History of Ancient Sword Making" the cover notes that Brenda is from Scranton.

That's a very nice touch, I applaud. I leave it to my Pennsylvania readers, although the actress is originally from Trenton, NJ; look at this picture. Doesn't she look like almost every chick from Scranton?