We're Noble Allies. The Coral Sea, we were with you!

--Michael Patrick "Guns" Donovan

Behind the Italians and the Poles and the Irish are the Australians. Well, maybe they're all tied up there in my book. The short form is: the Australians rock! I appreciate how the Brits have been with us in Iraq and all, but hey, so are the Aussies. They were in Vietnam with us, for cryin' out loud! Hard core.

I keep hearing about how we need to work on our relationship with France and Germany. Me? My foreign policy is not very nuanced. We should do nice things to the countries that like us, tell those who don't want to help to go screw themselves, and lay a serious beating on anyone who tries to screw with us. Now, towards the top of that list of friends is Australia. So I am going to take a moment out to salute the Australians.

You gave us Mel Gibson.

You gave us Men At Work.

You gave us ladycrackerland.

You keep trying to change your national anthem to "Waltzing Mathilda". That is the most awesome thing I have ever heard of in my life. (Note to Australia: I tried, but I could not find one site hosted in your country on the first 5 pages of Google with the lyrics. Somebody get on that.)

Most Americans do not understand the awesomeness of "Waltzing Mathilda". I do. I will explain. When you hear the Cliff's Notes version of the song, please keep in mind every few years Australians try to make this song their national anthem.

"Waltzing Mathilda" is about a hobo who steals a sheep. The police corner him, and he commits suicide rather than going to jail.

You people rock!

I propose we cut a nice chunk out of Egypt's foreign aid, and give it to Australia. Now I know, Australia, you don't want to seem like a mooch. I respect that. We can just have our ambassador meet your Prime Minister on a street corner somewhere. We'll do the handshake/palm off some money move. It's good, don't feel bad about it.

Or would you rather just let us know what you could use? I'm here for you, Australia! Drop me a line, let me know what you want. We can work something out! Once again, let me just say I love Australia. Thank you for being such a great friend. God bless you all.