The Donegal Express

The calling of the Rosary
Spanish wine from far away
I’m a free born man of the USA

Location: Santa Fe, New Mexico, United States

I am the most wanted man on my island; but I'm not on my island. More's the pity.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Crazy bellringer was right, there's money to be made in a place like this..


Joe Monahan clues me in:

Late last year the phones were ringing and the buzz was on: former Bernalillo County District Attorney and now top crime adviser to Big Bill, the irascible Bob Schwartz, was off and running for a second time for the city of ABQ's top job. But now, according to deep insider sources, Schwartz will be a no-go in the October mayoral face-off after a sit-down with the Big Guy himself.

I can't blame Bob. I mean, he's Governor Richardson's Crime Czar, or something. Do you know what kind of money that gig pays? And seriously, like anyone is expecting /results/? What, someone is going to shove a microphone in his mug, "Bob, you're the Crime Policy Advisor, yet we still have crime. How can you explain your failure to end it?" I can think of harder work than drafting some five-point plan, testifying at a couple subcommittee meetings, then doing the round of local news shows.

I'm jealous, really. I want to be a Czar. I mean, I don't have to be the Czar. I could deal with being /any/ Czar. Anything at all, please, come up with a crisis for me. I could be the..the..."motorboat accident prevention" Czar. I could do this! "I'm only going to take a few minutes of your time, as I know you're very busy journalists. Next week the MAP Office will be releasing our five-point outline for combating Motorboat Accidents. As Czar, I'll be available for the next three weeks to expand on the synergy we hope to develop by sponsoring our advertising campaign with the Ad Council and Victoria's Secret. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to listen to the steel drum version of "Montego Bay" and dance like a white man who's been pounding Cuba Libre's all day. Thank you. No questions will be taken at this time.

The bigger question is, of course, is there any chance for entertainment? Ladies and gentlemen, I submit for your consideration Margaret Aragon de Chavez.

The novena Dear Lord, please give this to me. Please, please please, I need something to make my humdrum life worth living. Please speak to Mayor Chunky's ex-wife and convince her that running would be a good idea. It would be the most perfect thing ever.

To the best of my knowledge, Albuquerque is the only city in America to have a "first lady". For the entire time she was married to the mayor, she insisted on being called "First Lady Margaret Aragon de Chavez." I'm guessing someone talked her out of "uberwoman". Please God, I need this. I've even gotten her campaign music picked out.

When it was announced that she and they mayor were divorcing, my first thought was, "Who will get custody of 'Reading Albuquerque'?"

To give non-New Mexicans and idea of the scope of this...imagine Teresa Heinz-Kerry running for office, but without the restraint and humility. Game on!

So please, just this one thing, ok? Amen.


Blogger GNN Staff Writer said...

Sometimes, God's greatest punishment is giving us what we wish for.

1:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the term Crime Czar!!! because, to me, Richardson looks like a Crime Boss. He has some kind of mafia thing going on

3:54 PM  

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