For twenty-three years I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now... well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!

-- Aunt Em

So I'm about to head outside a few days ago, and who should I see but The Lollipop Guild on my front porch. Come on, you know, the freakin' Lollipop Guild! And that's how I heard the news.

"Hillary?" I asked.

"Susan Sontag." They replied, at 135 rpm.

To be honest, I'm just glad she can't write any more books or articles. Shouldn't she have spontaneously exploded after the Wall fell? Let's revisit some of her quotes from back in the day:

"The Cubans know a lot about spontaneity, gaiety, sensuality and freaking out. "

Yeah. Making your freaking 1951 Chevrolet pick-up, and your freaking tailfinned 1959 Buick into a freaking boat fits my description of spontaneously freaking out. Right on the nose with that one.

Oh, and of course she loved North Vietnam:

They genuinely care about the welfare of the hundreds of captured American pilots and give them bigger rations than the Vietnamese population gets, "because they're bigger than we are," as a Vietnamese army officer told me, "and they're used to more meat than we are."

Yeah, they were all big men, like football players, right Susie Q?

Why is it that whenever Susan Sontag got misty eyed over a society, dudes started gluing toothpicks together and started paddling?

Apparently, Miss Sontag succumbed to "the white race".

However, no matter how much I despised this woman's beliefs and writings, I hope there is mercy for her in the hereafter. We're all sinners, after all.

Eternal Rest grant unto her, O Lord, and may the Perpetual Light shine upon her.